What to do about relationship anxiety?
It is in the nature of man that he longs for closeness and security. Already the prenatal development plays a role and the newborn, the infant and later the toddler will normally experience the attention, warmth, love and care as protection.
In this early stage of life, the foundation is laid for the basic trust and assurance of the help needed. The “skin-tight” relationship between a mother and her child, in her other form of practice – ideally in an intact family – provides fertile ground for the growth of a stable person whose psyche has both emotional and social skills.
The development of body, mind and soul must be equally nourished and maintained. Anyone who has received much love, affection and serious attention from an early age will usually act as an adult to others.
Unfortunately, there are very often instances where this sense of security, the positive past life of parents with their mutual esteem in the family relationship is disturbed or even missing. This can be the root of the child’s later inability to bind himself permanently to a partner as an adult.
What is relationship anxiety?
Relationship or attachment anxiety is a mental and physical reaction of a person not to bind himself permanently to another person. A partnership is complicated by the fact that the person suffering from this fear always wants to keep an “escape backdoor” open. It is often a prolonged period of time (or even a lifetime) in which the individual alone fails to change his distance-oriented life and thus become happier.
Causes and manifestations of relationship anxiety
The development of the psyche can be disturbed or prevented by (often unconscious) relationship problems between parents and the child. If a relationship and constant coexistence are to be possible, the human must be able to empathize with other people. The feeling of empathy is called empathy. According to the needs of the partner, one’s own perception makes it possible to help others, to feel with them or to suffer with them.
Not having to enter into commitments and thus having no obligations and no disappointments can have the following causes, which were already perceived, among others, in the early childhood stage of development:
Loss anxiety (separation of parents)
Death of a family member
Negative experiences (disappointments in the past partnership, abuse, lies, love withdrawal)
Unequal treatment of siblings
Socially depressed environment
Alcohol or drug effects
It often combines physical and mental pain in those who are reminded of these “traumatic” experiences and make up: Better alone, as such mental suffering and repeated physical pain to experience. Constant criticism, excessive demands and resulting errors also contribute to the fact that fears of paternalism and expectations can not be met.
The following manifestations of fears exist:
Prior to closeness (physically in a relationship as well as the establishment of a close circle of friends)
Before your own feelings and those of others with all the effects
Submission and lack of self-esteem
Before loss of control
From painful disappointments and injuries
Lack of acceptance
Before giving up self-employment
The effects are reflected in behaviors and decisions that, for example, result in frequent partner changes. Lack of decision-making and communication as well as ensuring that “nothing goes wrong” – characterize those affected, whose withdrawal into their “safe terrain” is often interpreted by others as unapproachable. An emotional and social distance can lead to loneliness.
Overcome relationship fears – forms of therapy
Most accompanying symptoms, such as palpitations, internal cramps and anxiety in attachment and relationship fears are burdensome. The fear of not doing anything wrong dampens a casual interaction with other people. Unfortunately, she is often dominant over the joy of being in love. But: “No Risk – no Fun”!
Hundred percent collateral does not exist in human life. But against fears, psychotherapy can be useful and successful. Handling experience with professional support is important in order to be ready for a relationship and lasting commitment.
The negative experiences in the past need not be repeated. The chance to live a fulfilled and happy life in a (new) relationship should be strengthened by faith, love, hope, understanding and necessary patience.
New, positive experiences enrich one’s own as well as the common life.
Do not consider oneself as unworthy and helpless, but as a lovable person who has a right to their own desires and individuality.
Not just comparing the new with the old, the past. Strengthening the good, also in wanting to be ready for a bond. Love and be loved – “it must be something wonderful”!